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Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)

I have a note in my phone from Sept 12, 2017 that simply says "the back of her ears make me hysterical." I knew those ears so well, but not much else - I never called her to turn around.

First Cow (2019)

I watch a lot of "silent" ASMR vlogs on YouTube. No talking. Just loud, crisp sounds of women doing housework. Chopping, cooking, cleaning - caring. It gives me shivers and warmth at the same time.


These vlogs can work as an anti-capitalist call to non-action. Many of them explicitly tell us in their captions to slow down and find joy in everyday moments, nature, food we nourish our bodies and our loved ones with. If we have the luxury to stop and soak our skin in it, survival can seem like an escape.


But unlike these vlogs, this movie reminded me that sometimes, maybe most times, surviving just isn't enough, even if we want it to be. Whether we're running uphill or lying down to rest, survival can seem like a trap.

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